Little spoons don't ask big questions
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
