you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
