but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
