i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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