mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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