Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
