I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
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