The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
