Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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