ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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