I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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