Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
