also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
