i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
