i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Success! We fucked roommates!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
