So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
