I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
