Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
