All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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