How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
