I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
