is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Found the puke drawer
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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