if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
