I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
