i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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