I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Randomize
