can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
