I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
