was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
