I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
