debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
