My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
