oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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