I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
