cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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