Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
