Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
