my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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