i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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