before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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