Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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