You just made me feel so damn special
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
