some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
