everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
