Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
