careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
