god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
