i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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