Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Damn victory sex feels great
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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