she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
