I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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