I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
