What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Bring me that man meat
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
