I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
