I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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